July 17th 2019

The day that really shattered my world. When they say the world stands still when you find out bad news about loved ones, they mean it. It was so clear but also a blur. You think- “Really? Is this my worst nightmare? Is this really happening to me?” Then you start thinking “Why me? What did I do to have this happen to me? Did I workout to hard? Did I take something that I wasn’t supposed to? Did I eat something? Why God? Why me?”

I could not wait for this day! My mother in-law came to watch the boys and I went to the ultrasound. The ultrasound technician remembered me and asked me how my boys were and I showed her pictures and told her everything was great. I told her I was hoping for a girl. And then we went back to the ultrasound room. She started to do the ultrasound and she said its a GIRL! I was so happy and so excited. She said I was really hoping you would get your girl. She then continued to do the ultrasound. Everything seemed great- the heart was great, and the measurements were great. Then she asked me if anyone in my family had a cleft lip. I said “No, not that I know of.” So she said “Well it looks like your daughter has one.” At that point I thought okay. That’s okay-she will be okay. I left and I had about an hour before my next doctor’s appointment which was right across the hall. So, I called Micheal and told him we were having a girl and about the cleft but I said everything else looked great and it wasn’t a big deal and that she would be fine. I was also so excited that I called my parents and my whole family to tell them how exciting it was to have a little girl. I did inform them about the cleft but like me they all said no big deal. Then, it was time for my appointment. I was on cloud 9! I had my girl! The doctor came in and said “How are you doing?” I said “Great! I am having my girl, I mean they told me about the cleft but I am okay with it.” My OBGYN got a very serious look on his face and seemed really upset and he said, “I really hate to say this, but she has a lot more issues. It looks like her face is divided down the middle. There is a cleft lip, no nose, and the eyes are close and buged out. Her forehead is popping out and she is missing the corpus closom (its the middle part of the brain that connects the right and left).” He kept saying that he was sorry, I would have to meet with a specialist that upcoming Friday to do more testing and he then said, “They will ask you how you want to proceed with the pregnancy. You are being so strong right now. Can I do anything?” I told him no. He then said that he was praying. Praying hard for Michael and I and he would be there if we needed anything. I walked out of the room and took my phone out. I called my mom and she answered and I said “One moment, I need to get to the car.” I got to the car and I lost it. I said “Mom she isn't going to make it, she isn't going to survive. How do I tell Michael!?” My mom cried with me while I filled her in on everything. Then I asked her to call my siblings while I called my husband! That phone call was horrible. Michael left work right away to come home. I got home first and I filled my mother in-law in. She hugged me and she cried too. Then Michael got home and we both just broke down. I said the Doctor said that the specialist on Friday would be asking us to end her life, Michael said “That is NOT an option!” He then asked if I could call my parents and ask them to come down and join us for that doctor appointment. So right then I called, and the next day they were  on their way! That is when I knew that we needed prayers and set up the Facebook page. I also messaged everyone I knew to spread the word that we needed prayers and I was not afraid to pour my heart out to others if it meant saving my baby. That’s when I decided to let everyone know her name: Abigail (Fathers Joy) Rose ( a beautiful flower that grows thorns to protect itself from evil). The day my parents came, I was on the phone with my mom and I remember her telling me that the night before, my dad was out pacing the driveway praying the rosary and that she was praying it too. My dad came in to the house and looked at my mom and said “Why Laura? She is such a good kid.” I asked myself the same thing- why me what did I do? But actually it was more like how blessed I am was to have God choose me to be this beautiful little girl’s mom. I knew God picked me because I do NOT let people tell me what to do and I fight for what's right for my children. I do not let anyone tell me whats what about my kids. I am that mother lion, and I don't let anyone who will hurt my kids or say anything bad about them come around! My parents brought two very important things with them. One was a relic of St. Gerard that my uncle had given to my sister in-law who was also pregnant at the time. But she wanted me to have it. I wore it taped to my stomach until I delivered Abigail, and even then Michael held it in his hands. The second thing was Lourdes water my mom had gotten from my Aunt. Michael would bless my stomach every night when we would say night time prayers together! I remember telling my mom over and over again that I felt like we already lost her, like we were mourning her already. But she was kicking and moving nonstop, almost like she was saying to me "Mom, I am still here."
So- now the big appointment on Friday. Michael's mom came to watch the boys again and we left around 6am. My parents met us there. More on that appointment in the next blog post!

Love,
Mother of a Miracle