The results of the Amniocentesis

So about two weeks after the test we got a phone call. Let me remind you-from what they saw on the ultrasound, they thought Abigail had 1/2 of a extra chromosome or was missing 1/2. So the doctor called and Abigail’s chromosomes were just right. She had 46, the number that everyone has. So this meant that this had nothing to do with her genetics. So, the next test they wanted us to do was an MRI on Abigail while she was inside of me, but I couldn't do that until I was 30 weeks pregnant. So, in the mean time what was I to do? How could I go on in my life knowing everything I was being told? How could I keep going with this pregnancy and take care of two little boys when all I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry? The answer is the power of all of your prayers and God! I was given so much grace and so much strength. Abigail is truly a miracle but I think there were more miracles that happened during the pregnancy and even now after. So here is a little background on how I was able to get through until the MRI.

I decided that I needed to have Faith. Faith for me, for Abigail, for the boys and for Michael. I had to make sure that I was taking care of my boys and myself! I would have to say that I stopped working out, and I focused on just getting through each day. I had to keep myself busy so I decided to potty train the boys. I was planning on doing it when they turned 2 in August but again, I needed to stay busy, so we started in July. People say so much to me now like how strong I was, how I kept my head up and really pushed through. But, I have to say I didn’t or at least I didn't feel like I did. I knew all I could do was trust in God. He gave me this beautiful little girl for a reason, but I didn't know why. I found myself mourning the child that I hadn't even lost yet, and why was that? I think it was because people were telling me to. But deep down every time she kicked me or moved I knew that everything would be okay. I tried talking to other parents whose kids had similar issues but to tell you the truth every child was different in some small way, so it was hard for me to relate or to connect. People that know me know that I am a very positive person. I always want to find the silver lining in anything, so that is what I did. I focused on all the good and trying to see all the good God had given me.

I also found myself blaming myself for what happened because how could a mother not blame herself?! What was even harder was having people ask me if it was something I took, ate, or was it working out? I remember asking my Obgyn that question. He said to me “Laura, it was nothing you did.” I might get off topic here but I want to talk about my doctor. I know I wasn't going to say the doctors names but there is one doctor that everyone should know about. His name is Doctor Logan. He was the one that helped Michael and I get pregnant for both pregnancies. He called the night he told me everything about Abigail because he wanted to see how Michael and I were doing. He called after we went to the specialist.  When I would go in for my check ups, he would let me have Michael on speaker so we could ask him questions. From the very beginning, he fought for Abigail as much as Michael and I did. And when she was born, he made sure to check in on her and me. So when I went for my six week check up after having her, I made sure to bring in Abigail so we could thank him! I will let you know what he said to me at that appointment another time. I don't want to give you too much information and get too off track. I just wanted to say that it is so important to have such a great doctor fighting for you and your daughter. All mothers or soon to be moms- make sure you find a great doctor like I have they are definitely out there and they care. He always said he was praying very hard for our family!

So today's blog, I wanted to focus on having faith and trusting in God. Yes, you can have your bad days and I did, but in the end I always turned back to trusting in God. Not the doctors, or what the books said about my baby, but God and God only. I promise you, it is not easy to do at all and I found myself asking why all the time. But I always turned back to God and prayer even when I wasn't sure if my prayers where being heard. Now looking back, that is crazy to even say, because God always hears your prayers. He answers them but He might not answer them the way you think is best. But in the end who knows us better than God and only God! The picture I am posting tonight with this blog is the picture of the Blessed mother pregnant. My brother sent this to me when everything went down. It has so much meaning to me.  Mary is pregnant and there are three roses on the ground-two of them are on one stem that I related to my twin boys, Lucas and Nicholas, and the single rose was Abigail. I believe this was God letting me know that everything would be okay! The next blog post will be about the MRI and everything that happened with that!

Love,
Mother of a Miracle

The Unknown begins

Before we begin this next blog post I wanted to update you on little miss Abigail. She is now two months old. She just started to smile and now she does it non-stop! We have had zero doctors’ appointments because little miss Abigail is doing great. The neurologist said they don't think she will have any set backs. The Cranial Facial team thinks she is doing really well, especial with her breathing and drinking her bottle. They don’t see any issues and they think after her surgeries she will do great! They are looking to do three surgeries in July or August all at one time - her lip, part of her nose, and part of her palate. That is nerve racking and a little scary, but really I am excited and I am happy that God has given us such great Doctors that can help my baby. So all that little Abigail needs to do is keep growing and just being the perfect little baby girl that she is!


Now to continue Abigail story. We got to the appointment and a lady called us back into a separate room. So we followed, and my parents stayed in the waiting room. As soon as we walked in the room and sat down I said, “I just want to make sure you understand, we do not want to end her LIFE.” and right when I said that I saw a change in their mood. They realized they weren't going to talk us into ending our daughter’s life, so now they were going to help us to actually try and figure everything  out. They wanted us to sit down and do our family history. Was that ever long! lol! We had to go through all of my mom’s side of the family and she had 12 siblings! Then we went over my dad’s family, then my siblings, and then the same with Michael's family! They were trying to figure out if Abigail's issues where hereditary, but from the looks of it, it didn't seem like that was the issue. They did think that she might be missing a chromosome or have an extra one. The only way they can find that out is to get a very long needle, put it in your stomach, and pierce the sac to get fluid. This process is so dangerous that they have an ultrasound on you the whole time because you don't want to hit the baby. Then they numb you. You are told that you can’t move whatsoever, because one little move and that needle could hit that little girl! The only way I know I wouldn't move (because I am deathly afraid of needles) was to close my eyes. Michael said that the needle was the longest one he had ever seen. So my eyes were closed and I felt the needle go through my skin into Abigail's sack. Yes, I felt that! It’s  hard to explain, but it was so weird and I just didn't move. If you would like to know the term of this process, it’s call amniocentesis. The doctor that did this believed that Abigail probably had one half of an extra chromosome. They then did a full ultrasound on the little baby girl, and they told us she has a double cleft lip. Before, they thought there was no bone structure for her nose. However, today they say that she does have bone there, it’s just not growing at the right rate, so she will need surgery for that. As for the part of the brain that connects the right and left lobes, they weren’t seeing it. That doesn’t mean there isn’t some of those nerves there. That’s great news, because she should be okay with developing if there is no nerve there. That just means that she might have a harder time learning, but that doesn’t mean she won’t be able to. The doctor even feels like she would live a normal life. We were over joyed to know that she will make it! We just have surgeries that will be happening right away. Next time we will talk about the results of the amniocentesis, and how we try and keep life normal for the boys when inside we are hurting.

When you read this I want you to understand that every meeting we went to we got told a lot about Abigail. One minute she has one issue, then the next minute they are telling us a different story. So, what I tell you in each post doesn't mean that this is what she has now. We were told some very horrible things about what the outcome would be.

Love,

Mother of a Miracle

July 17th 2019

The day that really shattered my world. When they say the world stands still when you find out bad news about loved ones, they mean it. It was so clear but also a blur. You think- “Really? Is this my worst nightmare? Is this really happening to me?” Then you start thinking “Why me? What did I do to have this happen to me? Did I workout to hard? Did I take something that I wasn’t supposed to? Did I eat something? Why God? Why me?”

I could not wait for this day! My mother in-law came to watch the boys and I went to the ultrasound. The ultrasound technician remembered me and asked me how my boys were and I showed her pictures and told her everything was great. I told her I was hoping for a girl. And then we went back to the ultrasound room. She started to do the ultrasound and she said its a GIRL! I was so happy and so excited. She said I was really hoping you would get your girl. She then continued to do the ultrasound. Everything seemed great- the heart was great, and the measurements were great. Then she asked me if anyone in my family had a cleft lip. I said “No, not that I know of.” So she said “Well it looks like your daughter has one.” At that point I thought okay. That’s okay-she will be okay. I left and I had about an hour before my next doctor’s appointment which was right across the hall. So, I called Micheal and told him we were having a girl and about the cleft but I said everything else looked great and it wasn’t a big deal and that she would be fine. I was also so excited that I called my parents and my whole family to tell them how exciting it was to have a little girl. I did inform them about the cleft but like me they all said no big deal. Then, it was time for my appointment. I was on cloud 9! I had my girl! The doctor came in and said “How are you doing?” I said “Great! I am having my girl, I mean they told me about the cleft but I am okay with it.” My OBGYN got a very serious look on his face and seemed really upset and he said, “I really hate to say this, but she has a lot more issues. It looks like her face is divided down the middle. There is a cleft lip, no nose, and the eyes are close and buged out. Her forehead is popping out and she is missing the corpus closom (its the middle part of the brain that connects the right and left).” He kept saying that he was sorry, I would have to meet with a specialist that upcoming Friday to do more testing and he then said, “They will ask you how you want to proceed with the pregnancy. You are being so strong right now. Can I do anything?” I told him no. He then said that he was praying. Praying hard for Michael and I and he would be there if we needed anything. I walked out of the room and took my phone out. I called my mom and she answered and I said “One moment, I need to get to the car.” I got to the car and I lost it. I said “Mom she isn't going to make it, she isn't going to survive. How do I tell Michael!?” My mom cried with me while I filled her in on everything. Then I asked her to call my siblings while I called my husband! That phone call was horrible. Michael left work right away to come home. I got home first and I filled my mother in-law in. She hugged me and she cried too. Then Michael got home and we both just broke down. I said the Doctor said that the specialist on Friday would be asking us to end her life, Michael said “That is NOT an option!” He then asked if I could call my parents and ask them to come down and join us for that doctor appointment. So right then I called, and the next day they were  on their way! That is when I knew that we needed prayers and set up the Facebook page. I also messaged everyone I knew to spread the word that we needed prayers and I was not afraid to pour my heart out to others if it meant saving my baby. That’s when I decided to let everyone know her name: Abigail (Fathers Joy) Rose ( a beautiful flower that grows thorns to protect itself from evil). The day my parents came, I was on the phone with my mom and I remember her telling me that the night before, my dad was out pacing the driveway praying the rosary and that she was praying it too. My dad came in to the house and looked at my mom and said “Why Laura? She is such a good kid.” I asked myself the same thing- why me what did I do? But actually it was more like how blessed I am was to have God choose me to be this beautiful little girl’s mom. I knew God picked me because I do NOT let people tell me what to do and I fight for what's right for my children. I do not let anyone tell me whats what about my kids. I am that mother lion, and I don't let anyone who will hurt my kids or say anything bad about them come around! My parents brought two very important things with them. One was a relic of St. Gerard that my uncle had given to my sister in-law who was also pregnant at the time. But she wanted me to have it. I wore it taped to my stomach until I delivered Abigail, and even then Michael held it in his hands. The second thing was Lourdes water my mom had gotten from my Aunt. Michael would bless my stomach every night when we would say night time prayers together! I remember telling my mom over and over again that I felt like we already lost her, like we were mourning her already. But she was kicking and moving nonstop, almost like she was saying to me "Mom, I am still here."
So- now the big appointment on Friday. Michael's mom came to watch the boys again and we left around 6am. My parents met us there. More on that appointment in the next blog post!

Love,
Mother of a Miracle